Authorities Concerned After Dozens Gather in Matching Vlad the Impaler Shirts to “Celebrate Loyalty and Blood”

Falls Township, PA — Local authorities reported “minor confusion and a strong smell of Monster Energy” after roughly two dozen people assembled behind an abandoned strip mall late Friday night wearing identical Catacomb Collective “Vlad the Impaler Fan Club” shirts. According to witnesses, the group arrived carrying wooden stakes, folding chairs, and bluetooth speakers blasting Gregorian chant remixes. Several attendees reportedly impaled empty Monster cans onto sharpened dowels “as a show of unity.” “They weren’t violent,” said a Sgt. of the Falls Township Police Department. “Mostly just yelling about loyalty, faith, and fabric weight. One guy asked if we wanted to ‘join the order.’ We politely declined.” The gathering, which organizers described online as a “night of sacred drip,” dispersed peacefully after midnight, leaving behind candle wax, three crushed hoodies arranged in a triangle, and an unlit torch labeled Drop 002 Soon.

A model showcasing the Vlad the Impaler Tee that the group was spotted in

Catacomb Collective Responds

Catacomb Collective has issued an apology that no one asked for: “We appreciate the enthusiasm surrounding the Vlad the Impaler Fan Club tee,

we condone the mailing of sharpened spikes, ceremonial chanting, and unsolicited staking of influencers.

We were not invited, and that’s where we feel we failed.

We apologize for not attending. Our message has always been simple: Fuck you this is art.” When reached for further comment, Catacomb Collective added, “Look, we just printed a shirt. Whatever this has become… We hope more people show up next time.”

Aftermath

Police confirmed that no charges were filed. However, several attendees have since begun planning a “Loyalty and Blood Tour,” reportedly including candlelight meetups at skateparks and Sheetz parking lots across Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, resale listings for the original Vlad tee have tripled in price, with one seller claiming his still has “authentic wax residue from the first ritual.” Catacomb Collective declined to confirm whether Drop 002 would involve additional “religious symbolism,” stating only: “We’ll drop when it’s ready.

If you want one, cool.

If not, keep scrolling.”